At what point does it go from baby blues to PPD?
I can’t tell if things are just all hitting me at once, or if I’m hormonal, or if it’s something serious. I really don’t know. I don’t like where my head is, though. I don’t feel like myself, and I need someone to talk to.
We repeated the bloodwork today. I refused to let William go back to the hospital, so they got me a nurse in the office whose children also have this, and who does their blood draws. He didn’t even cry! That’s how it’s done.
Still have to go to Riley for the thyroid scan tomorrow, and hopefully that goes well. I’m more determined than scared. I have to have my wits about me so I can advocate for my boy.
And they called and said we didn’t get enough blood. I said we weren’t coming in without a better plan than blowing my son’s veins hoping to get something. They said they’d call me back.
I can see how stress causes PPD. I was fine until all this started, and now I’m anxious and keep crying.
It started out with a call from the ped. William’s bloodwork came back and showed hypothyroidism. We expected this, having it ourselves. They wanted us to go to the hospital lab to double check the levels. Fine.
First, we had an LC appt. It was very pleasant. It turns out that he has a posterior tongue tie and a lip tie. We will likely have them corrected since they’re relatively severe. LC advised me to start insurance pumping- that with my own thyroid issues, PCOS, and some structural problems that I’m unlikely to be able to keep up with William’s demand long term. So I’m supposed to feed him 8 times and pump another 4.
The good news from there is that William gained 5oz in three days. He had lost 17 since birth, so this is extremely good progress.
As we were on our way to the hospital for the bloodwork, the ped called again. They had sugar coated his thyroid condition earlier. He has to see an endocrinologist on Friday at Riley Children’s Hospital. She is squeezing him in because it’s so important. And they already had a prescription waiting for him down here to start tonight.
With everything, this is the point when I got stressed out. Now I’m worried.
So we went to register William for the lab. They couldn’t find the orders. He was fussy in the waiting room, which is unusual, because he loves his car seat. I went to pick him up, and he’d blowout pooped everywhere. Keep in mind this kid hadn’t gone in 4 days. So I left DH there and went to the restroom for 20 minutes to clean up.
I finally got him presentable, and met DH in the hall. He had the lab orders. So we went to the lab. They couldn’t get a vein in his little arm. He was screaming while they dug around. They sent us up to Pediatrics, where they dug in his hand, also to no avail. Finally they got what they needed with a heel stick, and we came home.
In our driveway was my dad and stepmom. They brought dinner and wanted to visit. So I gave William a quick sponge bath (real special first bath) so he could be held. A half hour later, they left. The baby screamed the whole time, if course.
So I ate 5 bites, nursed William for 45 minutes, put him down, ate more, heard crying, nursed again, took a Motrin for my throbbing incision, gave William his medicine, nursed yet again, and here I sit.
It’s been a terrible day. All I want is for my son to be OK.
I’m that person who feels pretty good after being told to take it easy… Then I do not take it easy, and feel horrible later.
I do realize I just had major surgery and a baby. But my brain says, “We feel decent today! Let’s do normal things like sit in chairs and walk across the parking lot at the doctor’s appointment!” Then I come home and feel like my incision is going to explode and end up on the couch for the next 6 hours.
I don’t listen.
Triggers throughout for scary labor. This was traumatic, but the key to owning it is to just tell it. Apologies also for various TMI.
I went in Sunday the 24th for my induction. I was 41w6d. The nurse checked me upon arrival. Still not dilated and only slightly effaced.
She inserted Cytotec at 8:30 and put me on the monitor. DH settled in with his laptop and snacks, as we expected a long labor. I was contracting by 9:00. The nurse came in at that point and asked me to change positions. Baby’s heart was decelerating too much. I rolled over. In another half hour, I was 6 minutes apart and had a nurse in my room for each one. My doctor showed up and explained the potential danger of the situation. For my next contraction, he put his hand inside to stimulate baby’s scalp. The heart rate increased, which was a great sign.
At 11:30, the decels were worse and contractions were stronger. One decel went to 60, which sent two nurses and my doctor in again. They braced themselves on my bed and did the scalp test again. I was 1cm and 80% effaced, so he could get a finger in to touch the baby. After another decel to 60, the heart didn’t recover.
My doctor called for an emergency C-section. He ran out of the room, and shortly after a team of nurses ran in. One gave DH scrubs. The others explained to me what was happening, and I heard another call that the anesthesiologist was 20 minutes out. They wheeled me quickly to the OR.
They sat me up in position to get a spinal while asking me several questions. I was in a lot of pain and was shaking from IV meds and terror. The anesthesiologist came in and started giving me the spinal meds. Even after the numbing shot, I felt several others. It was like being stung by a beehive. I lost track of time here. I guess it had taken longer for the anesthesiologist to come, so what felt like 10 minutes was closer to an hour.
By the time I lay down, my legs were half numb. When they tipped the table to get the drugs to move up faster, I became numb to my chest. Throughout, my doctor was tracking baby’s heart rate. He called for the team to get my husband, that we had to move now.
DH ran in and sat next to my head. They got the blue barrier up as I heard the doctor say, “We’re out of time. I’m going now.” I felt the most horrible pressure and stretching. I was numb, but knew that the pain was there. I heard the suction machines and waited for a sound. Doctor called out, “Cord once,” meaning the cord was around baby’s neck. More pulling. More suction.
Then I heard the most amazing sound. My baby crying. Wailing. I sobbed, and so did DH. A nurse whisked our son by us, telling us to see our boy. DH went to be with him as he was weighed and measured. Unbelievably, his Apgars were 8 and 9. I craned my neck and saw DH holding our son. He brought him over to hold us cheek to cheek. Baby started chewing my face. He was so puffy and beautiful.
Too soon, they took him away. They sewed me back up, which was scary on its own. I felt so manhandled. This took a half hour. My doctor came to talk to me. He explained that the decels were from the cord, but that the o2 tests of both the placenta and cord came back good.
I went to post-op, where I was allowed to do skin-to-skin and breastfeed. Baby had a good hungry latch and still does. The next few days are a blur of pain, wires, and nurses. The feeling of getting up to use the restroom without an IV, catheter, and leg pumps is something special.
Today we came home. When he discharged us, my doctor explained that he did the incision he did so I could still have a VBAC someday. He knows how I’d wanted a natural birth, and that we shouldn’t give up after our little guy is bigger. I was really touched by that.
I’m lying in bed nursing my son right now. I marvel that he is here at all. He’s the most precious thing to me, and I would go through it all again for him.
8lb 5oz. 21 inches
William Andrew. 8lb 5oz. 21 in long. Scary and fast birth with an emergency C-section a few hours into labor. We’re both fine, and I still got to do my skin to skin and breastfeed right away. He’s so mellow and a great eater and sleeper. I’m so in love.
Birth story and pics later!